Early Bird

It was discussed on the radio tonight that Thanksgiving seems to be the one holiday that people still honor for its original intent. Look at President's Day, Labor Day and Memorial Day. They've become excuses to go shopping. Christmas, likewise. Independence Day? Picnics and fireworks. Easter? Chocolate paradise. But Thanksgiving is thus far untainted by selfish pursuits.

People save that for the Friday after.

In an effort to accommodate all that pent-up shopping energy, major stores are competing to see who can get these people in their doors first. A few years ago they started opening at 8:00am. Then 7:00. Now Target is opening at 6:00 Friday morning.

That's nutty. Who in their right mind would get up on their day off and shop before breakfast? Nobody in their right mind, but that still leaves a lot of Americans, judging from the state of things these days.

But for sheer audacity, the prize goes to Mervyn's. A totally tasteless commercial has run in the last few days wherein a hostess at Thanksgiving dinner yanks the tablecloth out from under her guests as soon as they are served, and tells them dessert is in the fridge. She's in a hurry to get to Mervyn's because they're opening at

get this

4:00 freakin AM!

If I was an employee at Mervyn's, I'd tell the management where to go, then I'd show them my tail waltzing out the door. There's no way I'd want to go into work on four hours of sleep and deal with self-absorbed customers who have only had four hours of sleep.

Really, people, there's nothing in a Mervyn's store that can't wait until after lunch.


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