Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Retirement Planning

They say you should start planning early for your retirement. So, while I’m only 44 I’m weighing my options now. I can’t decide if I want to be a Dirty Old Man or a Cranky Old Fart. I can see advantages and disadvantages to both of these, but I don't think I can be both.

 

The DOM option fits in with my lifelong appreciation of feminine beauty. One can’t continue looking at pretty young women at age 70 without being thought of as a DOM. And if I’m perceived that way, I might as well live the part. The disadvantage here is that the only really successful DO Men are the ridiculously rich ones. Wealth is the only real attraction a DOM has. That means I’ll have to do some serious financial planning, something I’m not too good at.

 

The COF option has its merits. A COF can say pretty much what he wants whenever he wants to, which is appealing because I like to speak my mind. People will just dismiss my comments by saying “Don’t mind him, he’s old.” I’ll also be able to get away with not practicing whatever political correctness will be in vogue circa 2035. When I make a social faux pas, which for me is likely to occur with some regularity, people will excuse it because I grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s. “In his day people didn’t know how to be sensitive” they’ll say, and I’ll get away with saying whatever I please because I’m old. Unfortunately COFs don’t usually have many friends in their final days.

 

So, alas, I’ll probably end up being that sweet old man who lives in that cute little house with his sweet old wife he’s been devoted to 60years. That, I’m afraid, is my apparent destiny.

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